I lay on the bed with him, facing the ceiling. I was very conscious of what he might do any moment, and I kind of looked forward to it. Somehow I still could not believe I’m finally here with my crush, even lying down on the same bed with him.
The room was dark. Since they took the light few minutes ago, I was expecting him to switch on the gen or the rechargable light but he didn’t move. It was like we were both pinned down on the bed by invisible forces beyond our control.
“So would you be my girlfriend?”
Okay, I didn’t see that coming.
“Well, ehm… I…”
“Say yes, please say yes.”
I still could not see him but I knew he had turned and was facing me this time. I could feel his gaze even in the darkness.
“Yes.”
“Oh, thank you, thank you so much.”
“You’re welcome.”
Silence reigned. There was more silence as my mind was running wild. What next?
“Can I kiss you?”
I didn’t respond.
“Can I?”
“Yes.”
I heard some shuffling sounds as he adjusted himself on the bed and faced me squarely this time. I turned towards him and closed my eyes. Like the darkness wasn’t doing a good job though.
His lips were soft and warm, so was the kiss. We were both breathing heavily as we kissed. His hands moved and I got scared. What was he going to do now?
He stopped, and climbed on top of me, then we resumed kissing.
Slowly, his hands moved to the back of my clothes and he unhooked my bra.
I woke up!
Jeez… that was all a dream?
I got sad… I wanted it to be real, can it ever be real? Definitely not anymore, not after I’ve lost him to Sandra.
I’ve always noticed how she looked at him in class and I knew she had something up her sleeves. I just never knew she would move this quickly.
That evening after our rehearsals, I had made up my mind to go talk to him, at least to just say hi or something. He was not at the rehearsal ground, so I had to check our class and there he was with Sandra talking and laughing together. I was heart broken. Like a part of me had been lost.
You know that moment when you suddenly lost the taste of life, when food loses its taste and nothing excites you anymore, when your heart hurts so badly that you want to rip it apart somehow? That was how I felt all through yesterday after seeing them.
Its not his fault, a part of my mind said.
That’s probably right, I am just the only one crushing and killing myself over Richard. He probably doesn’t even know I like him. It’s not like he purposely broke my heart. How can I even be getting jealous over someone that doesn’t even know I have a crush on him?
But he must have seen how I looked at him in the class. Our eyes have met on several occasions and we both looked away immediately. He must have noticed how I jumped in joy when Mr Pat gave me the role of being his queen in our class production, although I later lost it to Sandra. This same Sandra! I’m just trying not to hate her.
***
I checked the time and it was 7:30am. I was already running late to school. Dr Akas never allowed anyone enter his class once he starts teaching.
Just before I entered the bathroom, I went to our WattsApp group chat and replayed his voice notes once again. The voice!
I do this everyday, like listen to his voice notes in the class group. He doesn’t really talk a lot there but whenever he does, it’s magical, maybe not to everyone though. Maybe just to me. Everything he says makes sense. Even when he cursed our course rep, I was reading it and smiling. I wasn’t seeing the curse words. I was imagining his voice in my head as he said those words. Am I being obsessed with him? OMG!?
Arriving in school, I rushed into the class with a few others just in time before Dr Akas asked that the door be closed. I looked around and Richard wasn’t in class. Is he okay? He hasn’t missed any class before.
Oh, Sandra isn’t around too! I see what’s going on. Maybe they’re both in his house, what could they be doing?
“Precious, concentrate!” I said to myself shaking my head vigorously. I wish somehow that will shake off Richard from my head. I just wished.
The class ended pretty fast and since we had nothing else until 11am, I decided to go get something to eat from bamboo. I skipped breakfast because I was already running late.
The class was getting very noisy as more people enters, they’ve all been outside waiting for the class to end so they could come in
“Queen, where are you going?”
That was Joy, she was my best friend in school.
“I want to buy something—”
“Wait for me, let’s go together,” she rushed to her seat, carried her bag and ran after me.
Coming out of the class, we met Richard. He was just coming to school… alone.
I developed cold feet immediately and bent my head.
“Joy, how far? Precious?”
Did he just called my name? OMG!
“Yes?”
“How are you?” He hugged me.
Yes, he hugged me. Am I dreaming like this?
“I’m fine. ”
“Where are you going?”
“Bamboo.”
“Okay, no problem. Later then.”
He entered the class and I continued my journey with Joy. I was smiling to myself like I just hit a jackpot. Not like it was the first time he was calling my name, but today seemed a lot different. And the hug, the hug was—how do I describe it?—magical!
Don’t say I’m exaggerating, it’s me that knows what I felt.
“Have you bought the form for the Miss ATAS contest?”
“Yes. I did yesterday. I hope to win though. They said it’s taking place next week.”
“Okay, that’s good.” Joy stopped to greet an elder. I don’t know what’s with her and 400 level students. But what’s my business? I still have my own fish to fry.
I waited for her to finish.
***
“Precious!” I almost jumped out of my skin.
“Who’s doing that na?” I looked up immediately from my phone and stopped. It was Richard. Ah, I don’t understand what’s going on today o. He’d never looked at me before or even approached me for any talk. What has changed?
“Can I sit?”
“Yes.” I moved in a bit to create space for him.
The class was half empty as everyone was scattered. We were waiting for our rehearsal which would start in an hour.
“What are you doing?”
“Pressing my phone.” I wasn’t looking at him.
“Okay.” He was quiet.
I noticed he wanted to say something but was probably finding it difficult. I stole glances at him and he was just staring into space. Maybe this was my opportunity afterall, or maybe not. Before now an opportunity like this would have been exactly what I needed to try get closer to him. But after seeing him with Sandra, I’ve kind of lost some of the interest I had in him. Not like I don’t like him anymore, I just felt defeated and it hurts me very bad.
“Is everything is alright?” I had to ask finally.
“Well, yes.”
“OK.”
“Why aren’t you talking to me?”
I looked up at him. “How do you mean?”
“Like, you’re not giving me face. You don’t talk to me like you do with other guys in the class. What did I do?”
OMG! Am I hearing this correctly?
“I don’t understand you. You never talk to me so how can I be the one talking to you na?”
A boy chased someone into the class and they ran past us and then out of the class again. I looked at Richard. He was still staring into space. What is wrong with him?
“Sorry.”
“Huh? Sorry for what?”
“You said I wasn’t talking to you and that’s why you didn’t either, I’m sorry about that.”
“There’s no need to apologize. You don’t have to.”
“But I do”
“No, you don’t.”
“I do.”
“Okay, fine. Apology accepted.”
“I think I like you.”
I stopped immediately. Now this is getting weird.
“You said what?” I was looking at him now.
“I think I like you. I mean, I like you”
“You think?”
“No, I mean it. I like you”
I wanted to scream. This is too good to be true!
But then Sandra. Yes, Sandra. Is this boy trying to double date or what?
“Well, I’m sorry. I don’t date people that are in a relationship.”
He looked at me in surprise. “Relationship? Who said I am in one?”
“Nobody did. I saw that myself. You and Sandra.”
“Sandra! Ah… no o. I’m not dating her.”
“I don’t believe you. I’ve been seeing you both for a while now and I even saw how you both were talking here during rehearsals yesterday.”
He was silent for a while. “Listen, I sincerely like you. I’m not dating Sandra. She even has a boyfriend. We were only here yesterday reciting the new lines that Mr Pat gave us and from there we started talking—”
“Talking about what?” I was eager to know.
“Well, the truth is… I’ve had a crush on you for a long time now and I never had the courage to tell you or come meet you.”
My heart started beating very fast. I let him continue.
“When Mr Pat gave you the queen role, I was so happy and saw it as an opportunity to get close to you and maybe tell you how I feel. But then you lost the role and I felt bad. I started talking with Sandra because she took the role and we had to do many rehearsals together with Mr Pat.”
He paused, took a deep breath and continued. “Yesterday, I told Sandra that something was bothering me. She asked me to confide in her and I told her that I couldn’t say it in public. So when Mr Pat gave us the new lines we came here and I told her that I like you so much but I don’t know how to meet you and tell you. I was scared you would turn me down and I don’t know how the handle rejection. She was the one that told me to be a man and tell you what I feel today. She said you might even feel the same for me that I should just say it and bear whatever response you give me in good faith. So that’s why I’m here.”
I was speechless. I didn’t know what to think or say anymore. It was like the world was at standstill, my heart too, I think.
I looked at him, he was staring at me now. I looked away, I couldn’t look any longer. He is too cute!
So this is what my dream was all about? So this day can actually get better?
I looked at him and smiled. He smiled too.
***
He wasn’t around the day we had the beauty pageantry but at his request, I sent him a photo of me on my dinner gown.
He sent a voice note. Yes, I told him I love hearing his voice so he always sends voice notes.
“Awwwnn, babe, you look amazing! Go get it, hun you’re the best!”
I kept replaying the audio as I made my way to the backstage where other participants were.